Would you agree that some of the most important things that need to be heard, are never said?
I strongly believe this is true. So many friends, bf/gfs, ex’s, and most likely husbands/wives will find themselves wondering and wishing they knew what the other was thinking, or choosing whether or not to tell someone something.
I have been on just about every side.
Knowing but holding back: I’ve had feelings and thoughts that I soooo wanted to tell the person, but held back for one reason or another.
Knowing and saying: Other times I would give in, and spill everything, and received both positive and negative outcomes as a result of such honesty.
In the dark and wondering: On the flip side, I’ve been the one wondering, losing sleep thinking about what was going on in the other person’s mind…and never knowing, still.
In the dark and finding out: And likewise, I’ve also wondered, and gotten an answer to put me at ease (or frustrate me more).
Knowing (being in control):
For sure, every situation calls for different action. I guess, as the saying goes, “some things are better left unsaid”. I’ve definitely held back on saying something, because I didn’t want to complicate things more, or it seemed like they’re so far past it, it’s not worth bringing up again. I wonder though, when I refrain, if they’re somewhere hoping for me to bring it up, because maybe they have something to say too.
The times I’ve actually spoken out, were always preceded by much thought and advice from others. I’ve done this and had a good response. They were glad to find out these things they didn’t know before, and hearing the words settled something in them. Other times I’ve definitely regreted saying it the next day, and felt foolish.
In the dark (no control)
In every situation where there is someone “in the know” there is someone “in the dark” probably wishing they knew. I would put money on claiming that everyone alive has felt this way at some time. Whether about a boy or girl, relationship, or friendship. I hate being in this position because, you can’t do a damn thing about it. What’s worse, for me personally, is that I’ll start jumping to conclusions, or I’ll hold on to it for a long long time, always wondering and questioning.
The very few times I’ve actually had my questions answered were usually promted by my asking… yeah, I’m weak. And I can’t say that knowing the answers ever really made it better or gave me true closure. As another saying goes “ignorance is bliss”…as long as you can live w/ knowing that you avoiding the truth.
I don’t really know why I put this all down tonight in a giant chunk of text w/ shoty grammar and poor vocab.* I figure that a good amt of ppl reading (who I don’t have to face personally) might think about what they know, or don’t know, themselves.
If you’ve ever wondered… Why did that friendship go sour? Why did he really break up w/ me? Why did she really reject me? How come he couldn’t forgive me for that? How come she doesn’t want to talk about it? What is she really thinking when she sees me? What will he do if -? Does she still think about me?… the list goes on.
On the other side, do you know the answer to some of these heavy questions that someone could be asking themselves about you? Do you know the real reason why you aren’t friends anymore? Why did you really break up with him? Why did you reject her? Why can’t you forgive them for that? I do still think of her… And so on… Do you think it’d make things better to tell them? Chances are…probably not.
Another more “positive” perspective that this also applies is… When was the last time you told him/her “you mean so much to me” or “Your friendship has made a huge impact in my life”…or “I love you” to you parents? Also, when was the last time you heard those? The argument can be made that they know this-and-that through your actions, or, saying it would be awkward…but really, it makes a difference to hear it, or read it. ya kno? But it isn’t…
Which is why I say…the things that need to be heard the most, are never said.**
*just kidding, I totally know… but i’m not – going – to – say.
**please do not use this xanga post as cause or motivation to do or say anything irrational to someone. Unless it’s the nice stuff at the end. Then definitely say something. =)