You really wanna know the truth?

Would you agree that some of the most important things that need to be heard, are never said?

I strongly believe this is true. So many friends, bf/gfs, ex’s, and most likely husbands/wives will find themselves wondering and wishing they knew what the other was thinking, or choosing whether or not to tell someone something.
I have been on just about every side.
Knowing but holding back: I’ve had feelings and thoughts that I soooo wanted to tell the person, but held back for one reason or another.
Knowing and saying: Other times I would give in, and spill everything, and received both positive and negative outcomes as a result of such honesty.
In the dark and wondering: On the flip side, I’ve been the one wondering, losing sleep thinking about what was going on in the other person’s mind…and never knowing, still.
In the dark and finding out: And likewise, I’ve also wondered, and gotten an answer to put me at ease (or frustrate me more).

Knowing (being in control):
For sure, every situation calls for different action. I guess, as the saying goes, “some things are better left unsaid”. I’ve definitely held back on saying something, because I didn’t want to complicate things more, or it seemed like they’re so far past it, it’s not worth bringing up again. I wonder though, when I refrain, if they’re somewhere hoping for me to bring it up, because maybe they have something to say too.
The times I’ve actually spoken out, were always preceded by much thought and advice from others. I’ve done this and had a good response. They were glad to find out these things they didn’t know before, and hearing the words settled something in them. Other times I’ve definitely regreted saying it the next day, and felt foolish.

In the dark (no control)
In every situation where there is someone “in the know” there is someone “in the dark” probably wishing they knew. I would put money on claiming that everyone alive has felt this way at some time. Whether about a boy or girl, relationship, or friendship. I hate being in this position because, you can’t do a damn thing about it. What’s worse, for me personally, is that I’ll start jumping to conclusions, or I’ll hold on to it for a long long time, always wondering and questioning.
The very few times I’ve actually had my questions answered were usually promted by my asking… yeah, I’m weak. And I can’t say that knowing the answers ever really made it better or gave me true closure. As another saying goes “ignorance is bliss”…as long as you can live w/ knowing that you avoiding the truth.

I don’t really know why I put this all down tonight in a giant chunk of text w/ shoty grammar and poor vocab.* I figure that a good amt of ppl reading (who I don’t have to face personally) might think about what they know, or don’t know, themselves.
If you’ve ever wondered… Why did that friendship go sour? Why did he really break up w/ me? Why did she really reject me? How come he couldn’t forgive me for that? How come she doesn’t want to talk about it? What is she really thinking when she sees me? What will he do if -? Does she still think about me?…     the list goes on.
On the other side, do you know the answer to some of these heavy questions that someone could be asking themselves about you? Do you know the real reason why you aren’t friends anymore? Why did you really break up with him? Why did you reject her? Why can’t you forgive them for that? I do still think of her… And so on… Do you think it’d make things better to tell them?  Chances are…probably not.

Another more “positive” perspective that this also applies is… When was the last time you told him/her “you mean so much to me”  or “Your friendship has made a huge impact in my life”…or “I love you” to you parents?  Also, when was the last time you heard those? The argument can be made that they know this-and-that through your actions, or, saying it would be awkward…but really, it makes a difference to hear it, or read it. ya kno? But it isn’t…

Which is why I say…the things that need to be heard the most, are never said.**

*just kidding, I totally know… but i’m not – going – to – say.
**please do not use this xanga post as cause or motivation to do or say anything irrational to someone. Unless it’s the nice stuff at the end. Then definitely say something. =)


49 thoughts on “You really wanna know the truth?

  1. I always want people to tell me what’s on their mind.. and I always offer question time, so I can answer anything on their minds. I hate being in the dark. Good or bad, I wanna hear it :T

  2. i know how not knowing can sometimes affect things and how you feel, etc. i am thankful that some point in my frienship or r/ship i am made aware of how my frinds and my bf feels… 🙂

  3. I wonder all of those things a lot. Whenever I hold back saying something, someone always brings up the point afterwards, making me feel somewhat cowardly (they’re friends, they should understand my view, right?), but then sometimes I’d say something and wonder what other people are REALLY thinking. Are they just saying nothing because they want to avoid conflict? Are they just agreeing with me because they don’t want to go against me?Actually, I feel more in the dark when I’m with someone I really care about. The less I know about a person, the less in the dark I am (which is BAD BAD BAD!!! ><) Maybe I’ll take some time today and tell the people I care about that I care. It should at least put some of us at ease ;)Thanks for your great entry!

  4. Sometimes going through the ‘knowing’ and ‘in the dark’ will help in the future. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger right? Also, you know you’re alive when you feel that ache in your heart when you know you ‘could have’ or ‘should have’ or even ‘would have’. Of course it’s not a pleasant feeling but humans are meant to wonder about things that hurt or frustrate. I think it’s actually a good thing to feel these emotions. Enjoy them because in the end, you will actually say the things you want to say, solve the things you can not see and thank the ones you truly love.Thanks for sharing with everyone. ^^

  5. wow.. very nice entry. I think about that all the time.. but never actually blogged about it. And I really do hate those nights when you stay up and think.. “should i have..” or “damn, i shouldn’t have done that..” or maybe.. i should of said this. But it’s all part of all struggles in life. And I really like what FrenchiexFries just post above. SOO TRUE. Anyways.. are you sure you didn’t major in Psychology? lol.

  6. Deeeeep deeeeep thoughts. But yes, i understand everything that you’ve said on this post. I actually had sum flash backs haha I don’t kno about everyone else, but getting drunk usually gives me the courage to ask my questions. So to this day, I never have to wonder about any of those questions, and they dont keep me up at night … only my hw and exams keep me up >:[

  7. I say, sometimes its better to live without the truth. It usually will find some way to come out all on its own sooner or later, or at least thats how it goes for me.

  8. Ah, I’m always in the dark. T.THolding back is good sometimes…not very good when it can hurt you in the long run though ( then again, there isn’t an indicator to know if it’ll hurt later or not -_- darn)

  9. WOW…. for the past few days I have been frustrated out of my mind trying to decide whether or not I should ask someone if they have feelings for me… but I’m terrified because deep down I already know the answer. I think that some things are better left unsaid so that it doesn’t change anything between two people and we can just keep moving in the same path like normally (whatever that would be). It sucks, but once you pour out all your feelings, things change and get weird.

  10. yay an updateit was definetely awesome to able to read this after coming back from something that I got so nervous about ;]Yeah it’s true, “some things are just better left unsaid” but it’s hard.. the feeling of wanting to know.. the curiosity can just KILL! And I guess it’s sorta sucks when you wish you knew what that person was just thinking, life would be soo much more simple, perhaps?
    I think it is important that people do express to others how they feel about a relationship or friendship. And even though saying “i love you” to your parents or another person every single day may seem a little repetitive, sometimes you just don’t know what the future has for you. And i agree with what you said, its nice to be able to read it or hear it. And hey, we all have our emo/sentimental/insightful/deep blogs once in awhile.. it’s really interesting to read them..and well, lemme end this with something sweet for you and wfpyou guys are amazing! awesome! and what you guys are doing really impresses me. I love seeing people out there like me who really do what they love and want to share it with others. It’s esp. awesome seeing you guys pursue your dreams. As a pianist, one of my favourite things is performing because I can share my love and passion for music with everyone, and when i see you guys posting all those videos and sharing your talent with us, I’m so happy. Also, you guys are very motivating and inspiring people. You made me start writing stories once again (when i have time) and even though I may not be good at it, you all motivated/inspired me to keep doing it. :]
    Ohkay, i think that;s enough :] soo long..

  11. I’m the first and the thirdCan i be both?well it’s so true though I wanna tell myself that not telling this guy i liked him from my senior year was for the best but at the same time i always wondered “what could of been” since i thought he liked me too*sigh*

  12. Wow!Yan! Yan ang ibig kong sabihin noon pa eh. Hindi ko lang masabi! heheh Well for me “Its better to say nothing muna..unless its time to talk”. Kc most of the time if emotional us and we say na lang what goes in our mind..hirap na mabawi..alam mu na..words na dina dapat pang sabhin or words na mas dapat na sabihin in the right time. pero minsan contradicting din kc dapat sinabi mona right there and then pero you kept mum! So confusing din. Ah! Basta! Kung anu man yun, tell it when u know its best for both of you, if it will help you more than keep you puzzled, confused, afraid and idiot …Thanks for this!! I like it!

  13. Mmm. I told my best friend that my new year’s resolution would be to just grab people by the face and demand that they tell me what they think of me.That is probably not such a good idea though, huh? They might be put off by my grabbing their poor faces, and then have to re-evaluate what they think of me…possibly for the worse. So, I guess if I do this, I will just have to remember to ask people in an innocent, wide-eyed way that doesn’t hurt anyone’s face.

  14. I totally concur to your post. There will be times we are unsure of ourselves and worried on what people’s opinions are. and I am a firm believer of all things will come to light in time, and there will always be a right opportunity to say your mind. Grab it if not, you just gotta wait. This is for people who do not create their own chances but wait for the right moment.

  15. I agree that the most important things are often left unsaid.but that’s because the important things in life,always reveal some kind of truth.and telling the truth makes one’s why they say ignorance is bliss I suppose.

  16. I’d say I always wanna be in the know. I feel that it’s keeping things from people that causes conflict. For example, let’s say A does something that hurts B. Either A can hide it from B, or A can fess up and tell B. From my experiences, unfortunately, A always finds out. (sigh) In this scenario, it’s either suffer the repercussions now, or later… And usually, B would respect A more if I…uh…I mean A…were to fess up first. In the end, there’s gonna be consequences…but the question is always, is B gonna be a big enuf man to forgive.Why can’t ppl just be honest with one another? :/ This is why, I feel, long conversations are awesome….after heads are cooled…Of course…I could be missing another element of this entirely…

  17. no, i actually believe that important things are said and unimportant things are left thoughts on being in the dark — my dad always tells me that i shouldn’t upset myself over what other people say (or don’t say) because i have absolutely zero control over them. of course.. i do fret over things from time to time, and when i do, i remind myself of the words of wisdom from my dad thoughts on your parag. on a more positive perspective of knowing — my dad also tells me that the only person i have control over is myself. i’ve realized the last couple years that life is too short. if you think you might regret not saying it, say it. because if you don’t, you may never have the opportunity to say it again. i agree that it’s awkward to tell someone how much you appreciate them in person, so i made an effort and wrote a letter to the people closest to me, including my parents HAHA

  18. On the path of life, each experience helps us to understand who we are. Some people we meet are from past lives and feel so comfortable, we do not understand why they do not respond in like fashion. This is probably because they are here to help us grow, to help us know ourselves better by forcing us to choose that which will take us on the path to our highest and best self. Others come to be mirrors of our soul. Lastly, there are those souls for who WE are the teacher. We become a part of their lesson based on contracts we made before entering this incarnation. The Black-Eyed Peas said, “Take control of your mind and meditate, let your soul gravitate to the love.” In this state of love, your own light will shine so brightly you will see through the masks we wear to the pure love that we all are. Once you have done this, these questions will fade away for the truth will always be in your heart.

  19. Man, I had this very awkward encounter with a girl friend of mine earlier this year. I want to know what she thinks about it, but it seems like she just forgot about it and moved on. I want closure for myself, but I don’t want to risk losing her for real this time. I should just be thankful.

  20. Phil, i love reading ur blogs just the fact that i can relate so much… and always always i end up laughing or smiling either through pictures, drawings, this time in this entry it’s the cute lil foot notes u added at the end 🙂

  21. This probably don’t apply to the nice guys but most of the times guys just leave you hanging. One day,there we so into you,talking about sweet stuffs and the next day,they act as if you don’t exist. And you never heard from them. Yeah,sometimes there are things better left unsaid but also,you have to realize what would the other person feels if you just suddenly disappeared in their life. Ok,thats just my frustrations. But I guess everyone hates being in the darkIt’s better to hear the truth than not know it at all coz thats when all the assumptions and what if comes in.

  22. okay, i guess i should speak the truth. phil, i’ve never said this before… so it’s better to just say it. I MISS YOU Y’ALL! hahaha foreal, i just saw the become a fan page thing on the side of facebook of wongfu. mollie and i “heard” about you guys our freshmen yr and LOVED Y’ALL haha.. and to think we actually got to hang out and know ya years later! HAPPY HOLIDAYS PHIL!

  23. I’ve been stuck in this situation for a while. When I read your entry, it helped inspire me to say something to the person I’ve been meaning to talk to for quite some time. I just wanted to say thank you for this and all the other inspirational posts you have been doing for so long. They really do help people out and I’m guessing that’s always good to hear =) Hope things are going well!

  24. I just LOVE it when your boyfriend says, “So I was on my trip in *insert place here* and I met up with *insert girl here*, and we totally hit it off, but at the end of the day, I came home to you.”Honesty? Yeah. But WHY do I need to know this? Did you feel guilty? Sigh. -_-So my question to you is: are you in one of those four categories at the moment?I sense some discontent. 😦

  25. Unfortunately, in friendships not everyone appreciates the nice stuff at the end when they are said. I’ve told friends how important they were to me and how much they’ve impacted my life (before I even read your post). Yet things always ended up going the wrong way and the friendship turned sour. But I guess my exceptions may be just because our personalities never really meant for us to be friends in the first place.

  26. I know what you mean… sadly I wish I saw this blog years ago and saw the disclaimer…. what people think of you is not your business… and sometimes we think we need to ask to know what we mean to others’.. but maybe you already know but you’re just too afraid or feel unworthy to believe that they’d think so well of you… Even though you may get the answers you wanted… it still may not give you any closure… be happy for what you have and their company… perhaps looking for closure all the time makes you unsure of yourself and the other… am not a creeper btw! I just like wongfu and I am finding an excuse not to do my work … bah!!!! >.<)

  27. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this entry. It hit so close to home.I guess sometimes being in the know could drive you crazy too, wanting to say something, but not sure if it’s the right thing to do. Worried about the outcome.But to me, being in the dark is harder. Jumping to conclusions (and they’re never good ones), not knowing what to believe, just makes letting go nearly impossible. The worst is that it makes you hold on to something for far too long when you shouldn’t. And in the end it gets you nowhere, you’re still at the same exact spot wondering, even after years have passed.I guess it’s harder to find closure than I’d thought.

  28. wow that’s really deep. reminds me of what my art history professor once taught us, that the things we don’t see are just as important, perhaps even more so, than the things we do see.
    i like how this post gives me some closure.
    i think you are right. i think this post is inspiring.
    i want to say something more but i’m going to leave it unsaid. :”

  29. i feel you’s so hard to be in the dark and not know. but then again, it’s true that others may be thinking the same thing as i am, but not saying anything. i can’t say that everything would be easier if everyone just spoke their mind, because it causes complications. oh..the world is sucha mess haha.i hope i’ll get the courage to ask someone something one i enjoy reading your xanga 🙂

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