From there to “… Here On Out”

From there to “… Here On Out”

November 2014, I was in Tokyo with Wong Fu Productions for a special YouTube Space event. As we often do during our group trips we try to use our free time to be inspired and create. See and feel the energy of the city, write a quick script, gather a small crew of friends, and shoot a short. Returning home with a film is one of the most satisfying feelings and we’ve done it many times.

This particular trip I really, really, wanted to make something. I had some rough ideas, one being about a delivery boy who was able to know his “regulars” based on his different deliveries. But due to time, and lack of focus on one idea, and also being unsure of the message I was trying to convey, I was unable to make anything. Meanwhile Wes had made an incredibly beautiful film “Komorebi” and I felt like I failed, creatively frustrated.

Over the last couple years I’ve held onto this idea of a delivery boy who knew his city. I tried to adjust it for different cities and other trips. But instead the idea just became more and more blurry. I never even put a word down for a script.

Senior year 2002, my last year of high school I got a job at Target. It was my first real job ever and I was so excited to be working and getting a pay check. I’ve shared this story a lot, but in case you don’t know, I was a “Cart Attendant”, which is just a fancy way of saying, “the guys who collect carts”. But we also often got assigned to cashier during busy hours, and I would often have to help people to their cars if they had particularly large items.

I worked there for 11 months, getting drenched in rainstorms, seeing the terror of the holiday season, moving bbqs, TVs, Christmas trees, and racing back to the AC of the store after pushing 100s of carts in 100 degree weather. I look back rather fondly on that first job, partially because of those crazy stories, but also because of the quiet ones. See, the best part of the job was when my girlfriend at the time would come visit me here and there. We’d go to a secluded corner of the lot where I’d push my “15” to the limit, or she’d come toward the end of my shift, as I was closing for the night, and it’d just be us in the empty parking lot lit by the street lamps, hanging out before I had to go home.

May 2016, the year is almost half over?! So much had happened in these first 5 months. Personally and professionally drained, a feeling of wanting to start over began to grow. I felt like hiding, running, somewhere, anywhere. But I quickly realized it didn’t matter where I go. A new environment doesn’t change my history.. and accepting this was both liberating and disheartening.
I shared this feeling on IG (my emo-outlet when I’m too lazy to write a full blogpost).


Last month, in the earliest stage of developing an idea to present to Vitasoy, Wes wrote a logline about a cashier who falls for a customer. This instantly made me think about the idea I failed to complete in Tokyo 2 yrs ago. Put into a new context, I brought in the imagery from my job as a cart pusher. As I began to write I integrated a conflict and message for Lynn (from that silly little IG post) which I had been unable to pinpoint before. It all clicked.

Last week we released a new short film called “From Here on Out”. People often ask us where we get our ideas and inspiration. The answer is always the same for me, “daily life”. If you choose to look around with a different lens, you’ll see stories everywhere. We collect thoughts and feelings from our lives, not necessarily knowing when they’ll be used, if ever. FHOO is a perfect example of how different ideas in life can connect unexpectedly for a project I didn’t even know we were gonna make. Seeing things work out like this have taught me not to force ideas and that just like in real life, every story has its own timing.

The 2 things that matter most to people in their 20s

This was my speech to the graduating class of 2016 at the University of California, San Diego, Revelle College. I just wanted to be real with them, and thought a lot about what I would’ve wanted to hear 10 years prior when I was sitting in their position. I’m so grateful for the honor and the opportunity to speak on this special occasion.

Hi. I’m gonna start off by saying, I’m really nervous. So if this goes terribly, yeah, that’s why. Cool.

So first I’d like to say, this is probably the biggest honor of my life thus far, and I met President Obama in 2011, though he didn’t know who I was. So thank you UC San Diego Revelle College for inviting me to speak, and believing I’m qualified to share my thoughts with the fragile minds of early 20 year olds.

I was a VisArts major at Revelle. Lemme repeat that. An Art major, in Revelle. I’m not throwing shade at UCSD or Revelle. In fact, I owe a lot to them. When I applied, Revelle was my 4th choice. AGAIN, that’s not a knock on them. That’s me saying THANK YOU. The 3 other college passed on me, but Revelle took me in with open arms. And exactly 10 yrs ago I sat where you are.

CONGRATS to you guys. You made it through Revelle’s GE’s! Well, maybe you did, you could just be walking. That’s technically what I did. I still had one Social Science course left which I took care of in the summer. Mom and dad weren’t thrilled about that.

Either way, you’re sitting here… and for some reason I’m standing up here. Honestly, if you’re confused who I am, and why I’m giving this speech, I’m with you. Commencement speakers are usually super successful celebrities or people who changed the world, or at least have the life experience of 40/50 some years to share. But I’m not Steve Jobs, or Oprah, or Conan and I’m barely 10 years older. So I’m not even gonna try to pretend like I’m some super wise, successful dude about to drop an awesome quote bomb on you. Some of you might know me as 1/3 of Wong Fu Productions, others might just be like.. “oh, that one Asian guy from YouTube”. And the rest of you, I’m just some guy. But honestly, that’s how I want to talk to you today. As just some guy, who has completed his 20s, and can let you guys know what to expect in these next 10 yrs. The REAL stuff.

I thought a lot about what I could say to inspire you guys, because honestly, you’re gonna be floating around for awhile.. and while all that lofty “grab life by the reins” advice is motivating, you needa know about what’s directly ahead. So I really just wanna talk about 2 things. You see, of all the obstacles and worries ahead in post-grad life, there are 2 subjects that everyone talks about the most through their twenties, and definitely by the time you hit 30, and lets face it, 30 in your guys’ eyes is like “so old”. Perhaps if you know now what will be most important to you in “the end”, it’ll help you along the way, and positively affect the years after (yes there are years after 30)

The first thing that everyone talks about is their job. I think a lot of students think they graduate and must find this one singular job or track that you will love and stay with forever. Truth is, you’re going to have multiple jobs. You’re going to try something for a few years and possibly hate it, and then adjust. You will be constantly questioning, shifting, and building your career.

Now this is where most speeches would go down the route of telling you all to go after your dreams! Pursue your passion! YOU might be the next Steve Jobs! But let me be real with you… while I don’t disagree with these inspirational messages, I also know that there are A LOT of people who go through life and just don’t know what their true passion is. For some it’s still too early. Some were never encouraged to think that way. So I don’t wanna stand up here and make people feel bad or scared like.. HOLY CRAP I’m not actually that passionate about electrical engineering or sociology. What am I going to do with this degree and life?!?

Look, if you already know your passion, then absolutely go for it, don’t be afraid of failure, nothing goes according to plan, persevere, etc etc… you guys live online, you’ve probably seen that Buzzfeed video compilation of famous grad speeches… and it’s 100% true, I know from experience. Listen to those guys because they’re far more experienced and accomplished than me.
But for those who draw a blank or a shrug when someone says “chase your dreams”, it’s ok. It’s ok to not be sure yet. Honestly, I didn’t know my passion was storytelling and directing even when I was sitting where you were. I knew I enjoyed it, I knew I was somewhat good at it. But passion is such a heavy word. And as a 21 year old, how could I really be sure?

But here’s the thing… I didn’t chase my passion, but I became passionate about what I chased. And you should do the same whether it’s your job or a hobby. Because what’s more important than just having a dream, is having the ambition to reach them. Be ambitious and enthusiastic in whatever you do. Always strive for more in and outside of your career. You’ll be surprised at where that might lead you. Even strong enthusiasm toward something is a challenge for some, but can transform you life. It did mine, and brought me here.

Whether it be real estate, or comics, dentistry, or fitness.. explore with vigor, and zeal, and I assure you that when you reach the end of your 20s your life will be better because you did so. Don’t be too afraid, or in many cases, too cool to “try”. The worst thing you could do is live these next few years passively. So if you already know what your purpose is and what you love, understand that knowing is a gift! Don’t waste anytime being timid, and get to work towards it. And if you don’t know yet, consider it your duty, a high priority, to actively figure out what it is at some point in the years ahead.

So that is the FIRST thing everyone talks about at the end of their 20s. The SECOND thing? The 2nd thing is love and relationships.

Now, I know this is very unconventional to talk about in a commencement speech, but honestly, I think people are actually more concerned with finding love than “chasing dreams”, kinda funny huh? How much love dictates our lives. Look, it’s uncomfortable, it’s cheesy, but seriously, no matter how accomplished you become, or how many friends envy your life, if you aren’t happy in your heart, nothing else matters. So bear with me, I just wanna share 3 quick thoughts about love. It’s gonna get awkward for a sec.

First, Love Yourself.

Your journey to find love is going to be challenging. And many of you will experience extreme pain when a relationship is taken away, or when you regret a massive mistake, or when you’re just really really lonely. It’s gonna suck, but please, never ever feel like it’s the end of the world. Never ever feel like another person was what defined you or made you whole. YOU need to make sure you love yourself. Work on yourself, believe in yourself, and yes, treat yourself. Discover your own worth and make sure the person you’re with will push you and challenge you to be even greater.

Next, Love honestly.

I think we grow up thinking “love” is something that happens to us, like magic. But it’s not. Attraction is, but making a relationship work takes choice. Constant choice. And you must be honest with yourself when it comes to the person you choose to be in a relationship with. This means understanding your emotions. Feelings are what give our lives texture, even sad feelings, so embrace the entire spectrum of emotions and learn from each experience. Learn what you qualities are important to you, and what angers you, and how to communicate better. Learn the difference between a relationship needing work and a relationship that won’t work. And most importantly, learn to forgive… others and yourself. This will be the most challenging lesson, but the one you might need the most. Hurting people and getting hurt is part of the journey, so be thankful for those who don’t harbor grudges or guilt, I definitely am.

Finally, Love your family.

The 20s is when you will begin to really humanize your parents. It’s in this time that many of them met, or even had you (there’s a fun image for graduation). You’re gonna reach that same age and finally realize what your parents have gone through. They weren’t always just “Grown up”. They were young, lost, and scared just like you, they were human! and you can start to empathize with them, because being human also means they won’t always be around. So spend time with them, try not to be annoyed, tell them thank you, I love you, ask them questions about their lives past and present. They have so much to share.

I hope this brought your idea of the next few years into a better perspective. It’ll be natural to feel self conscious for awhile. Worried if you made the right choices in your major, job, life. Embarrassed that compared to your friends you don’t seem as successful or know what you’re doing. But guess what? No one here really knows what they’re doing. I promise you. Even those who have a sweet internship or grad school lined up. Even I don’t!! When I graduated, I would often doubt myself for pursuing something as “silly” and unstable as the arts. I thought all my friends were doing the right thing in their lives and jobs.  But what kept me going, was good friends. Luckily I got to live this sensitive period of my life with Wes and Ted who co-founded WFP with me. We were lost, but at least we were lost together. So surround yourself with positive people. People that will push and support you as you discover your sense of passion, and people that will be there for you when your love life sucks.

Take your time, but don’t waste your time. There’s a difference. And finding that balance will make your experience these next 10 years really awesome.

Thank you!


Don’t wait to be great

Why do so many people put in the effort to improve on themselves only after a breakup? Perhaps if they tried while in the relationship, they’d still be together…

Alright, that statement is very broad is could be taken as extremely insensitive, but hear me out. Of course I understand that a traumatic event will always result in new perspectives and self-reflection. So I’m not literally asking why do people try new things after a tough separation. I’m also not at all saying everyone who’s been heartbroken only has themselves to blame. My statement is specifically directed at the concept of “comfortable”. Being comfortable with oneself and one’s expectations.*

After a break up, how many of us have said something like, I’m gonna get out there and be a new me! Gonna read more! Gonna try that painting class! Gonna start cooking! Gonna volunteer! Gonna do all these awesome things that I never bothered or pushed myself to explore while I was in the relationship. All these things that I obviously thought of, but didn’t act on. And why not? Because we were comfortable. We thought, Oh there’s no time, maybe next weekend. Oh it’s too expensive. Oh it’s too much trouble. And it’s not just activities, but we do the same with our behavior. “I’m gonna be more patient. I’m gonna take more initiative. I’m gonna open up more!” We often change our appearance too. People lose a bf/gf and they go cut their hair, start exercising, try dressing differently, or try to make new friends. We put ourselves in all these different situations and challenge our norm, and it always leads to something good. Enlightenment, meeting new people, new perspectives. So the question must be asked… If all these challenges- that push us, that are uncomfortable, that are strange- are ultimately beneficial and positive… what were you waiting for?

There are so many different reasons that relationships fail. So many catalysts and so many downfalls. But I believe that a lot of it stems from one or both parties reaching some level of comfort and that comfort can have 2 results.

Either 1) your partner doesn’t tell you they want something new/different and you are left in the dark and they develop these desires on their own without giving you a proper chance to respond and they decide for themselves that you two aren’t growing together. Or 2) your partner does tell you and you are shocked/surprised and don’t want to change and wonder why the other person has, and so you resist and get upset or sad. In both cases communication is key, but the willingness to explore new territories together is how to keep the relationship going.

I’m not saying this is the hidden secret potion to saving a relationship, but I think it’s something to consider if you are in one. Even if things are totally fine. Always, always, reflect on yourselves and ask, Am I being the best version of me for me and my partner? Am I challenging them and is he/she challenging me? If the answer is “no” to either of them, it’s time to talk and work it out. Don’t get comfortable; be open-minded to each other. Otherwise you might find yourself taking the salsa classes she always had brought up but you were too stubborn to take, or you’ll be trying a new hair style that might’ve been a fresh change for him. But it’ll be too late.

I acknowledge even as I write this that I’m oversimplifying. We often need to learn these lessons alone and not FOR someone. I get it. And sometimes the things we do/explore in the wake of a relationship is what leads us to the next, better one. And I’m of course not implying that people should change who they are completely, physically or behaviorally, just to make their partner happy. I’m just saying… don’t wait to be single and use bitterness/disappointment as your motivation to become a better person. You might be surprised how your relationship will be affected if you do these things while you still have them. That’s all. But what do I know? I just dyed my hair for the first time. “IT’S A NEW ME!!!”

*There is a difference between comfortable and confidence when it comes to relationships. I’m not saying two people can’t reach a point of being totally themselves, walls down with each other. The ‘comfortable’ I’m referring to is when you don’t take advantage of each day with one another, instead taking for granted that you have someone and can develop and do amazing things together!

10 years of love lessons in 10 short films

For 10 years I’ve made videos about love and relationships. Unintentionally, I’ve also grown 10 years in that period of time, and my understanding of these topics has also grown. What I never really realized was that everything I was learning and going through was being reflected quite literally through my work. Not only that, but each year was marked by one particular piece, a personal one that stood out to me, that I had to make time for and get out despite the many “Wong Fu videos” we produce every year. I never intended to create this pattern, but looking back now on the past decade, an “evolution” is very apparent. Thought I’d share…

2004 – “What If” lip sync video – Age 19 – I’LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!

Screen Shot 2015-12-27 at 6.26.59 AM
This is the beginning. The prehistoric years of Wong Fu (before narrative shorts). My perception of love was at its purest and most vulnerable. This is me being a young, naive romantic who thought his world was ending because he lost his first love. It was my very first experience with heartbreak and I had no idea how to proper deal with it. So I did what any normal guy would do.. I made this lip-sync video to express my grief and sadness. At the time I really believed I was already old and wise and that I’d never love again. I’m glad I went through this phase, this heartache, because I think many young people experience this, and I’m thankful I can empathize and respond with encouragement.

2005 – My Unspoken Words – Age 20 – I want to create a perfect fairytale for myself.

Screen shot 2015-04-21 at 6.38.24 PM
This was the first video I ever made with an actual story, not to mention a love story. Not only does it clearly show my super n00b “skills”, but it’s also a clear reflection of the type of stories I was drawn to and influenced by. This is when I still believed in fairytales. Love and pain were simple and cliche. It was what the movies and songs told me, and I just wanted to recreate it myself, shot for shot. If the pervious “What If” music video was me learning the reality of losing love, this video was me thinking I had grown up and knew what I wanted. I wanted the fairytale again.

2006 – A Moment with You – 21 – It’s not going to be perfect, but have hope!

 This was Wong Fu Productions’ first (only) student feature film. Wes, Ted, and I made it during our final year of college. Going into the story and script, I attempted to be more mature, to be the most “honest” as possible. At this point I felt like I had a better understanding of why relationships formed and ended. I had seen my own romantic stories finally reach unexpected resolutions after some time and I was beginning to grasp the concept that not every relationship is meant to last. Although it was a little overly emo, I think the general ideas still stand.. I just wouldn’t write the lines the same way now.

2007 – Just a Nice Guy – 22 – Why don’t the people I like, like me back? This is hopeless.

 All through high school and college I had the “nice guy” complex, and it all came out in this short. This was the result of years of feeling like I had gotten the short end of the deal, frustrated and feeling sorry for myself. I think in the early 20s, a lot of guys feel like they’re grown up and that they deserve to be loved immediately by whomever they desire. And when it doesn’t happen, many just complain instead of doing something about it (this is a whole other entry). I definitely felt that way. At this stage in life, all I wanted was a girlfriend. Plain and simple. In the midst of all the uncertainty that comes right after graduation I was looking for someone to be close with and bring happiness. A relationship to me at this point was simply getting the girl, that’s it, happy ending. There was nothing beyond that. So this short was all about the “struggle” to get to that point, because that’s all that I was going through.

This short had a happy ending (i got the girl, theend), but real life didn’t reflect the same and I continued to live uneasy and like a victim… really attractive huh? But honestly, I believe this stage is necessary in a “man’s” growth. Awkward, confused, but ultimately you learn from it… it’s like a 2nd puberty. I dealt with it through this short, and I’m glad it’s still having that affect on others in this stage today.

2008 – See Through – 23 – You’re going to let people down, but don’t be afraid.

 I suppose this is where things started to get a little more real. The aspirations for a fairytale were fading. I did get the girl, and it didn’t last. Guilt over failed relationships and the realities of growing up were building and affecting my perception of love. I realizing that just getting the girl wasn’t the end of the story like I wrote just a year before in ‘Nice Guy’. If anything, that was just the first step in a journey (or perhaps in a cycle) which would eventually lead to ‘Strangers, again’ in a few years. And on this journey, there will be people who you know, deep down, you are not supposed to continue with. As a result, one must know when to leave; know when it’s over. Trust that the other person will be happy eventually, and even though it hurts now, you have to do what you feel is right. I struggled with these feelings, and the voices of the 2 characters here were my own internal discourse.

2010 – The Places We Should Have Gone – 25 – Even if you’ve been hurt, look for something positive to take with you.

 In 2010 I found myself in Taiwan on a trip with my parents. At this time, someone’s post about wanting to “forget” about an ex-boyfriend didn’t sit well with me. I think by the mid-twenties many of us had been through a couple of relationships, the joys and pains, and because of that pain, our first instinct is to try and forget about the person who caused it. But really, we shouldn’t, because all relationships, good and bad, provide important, valuable lessons. I wanted to remind myself of that and encourage others, in the form of this short. There is always something to gain despite being hurt. Keep the positive things close, while you move ahead. It’s not one of the other. You grew through that relationship, and you’ll use that growth in the future.

2011 – Strangers, again – 26 – Most relationships will end. yeah, it’s sad.

 This short came out at a very unique and fitting time in my life. As I passed the quarter century mark a lot was changing in my own life, and around me. This definitely lead to a lot of reflection about relationships past and the patterns they all shared. Not a very high point in my twenties, reflected in the overall message of the short. The fluffy love stories were completely gone now, and even the emotional pain was less glorified and more grounded.. just, real. There’s a ruthless/lifeless structure and cycle to this thing called “falling in love”. The harsh, but simple truth. That’s what I began to believe. I tried to have a silver lining with some hope at the very end, knowing all “strangers” live on in memory, but, breaking up sucks. No way around that.

2012 – The Last – 27 – Don’t be ashamed of your past failures, it’s part of your journey.

 For the first time, things were starting to make sense. All past experiences prepared my heart and mind to be open for a new perspective. I’m really glad this short could follow ‘Strangers’, like a positive appendix. Serving as a destination for where the cycle of previous shorts could ideally end. This short was a celebration of not just past relationships, but all people who played a role in my life. Appreciating everyone that was a part of my story, instead of being bitter and remorseful, and not being ashamed to talk about them with others.

2013 – To Those Nights – 28 – We’re all at different points on our journey, and we’ll all make it.

 Undeniably in my late-20s, this short was my tribute to the 20s. I thought I had it all figured out. I used the 3 stories within the short to represent places I had been, or things that I wish I had done. I thought this was my exit, and my closure. This short will always remind me of the many facets of where I’ve been romantically. Romantically optimistic, lost and guilty, and false conclusions. I thought that my learning was over, but I was so wrong.

2014 – (unreleased project) – 29 – You’re not done learning yet.

Screen shot 2014-01-14 at 7.33.34 PM
I thought by this age we were supposed to have it all figured out. I thought 29/30s was sooo old, and then I got here and discovered, not even close. At this stage/age there are new factors and pressures that I never foresaw. Perhaps someday I’ll share in more detail, but until then.. no comment, you’ll hafta see for yourself (although I hope you don’t)

2015 – Accumulated – 30 – Love cannot last without active choice.

 A little bit jaded, after seeing relationships in my own life and my friends come and go, and the variety of reasons, you wonder, what makes anything last? There will always be a reason to doubt, to fear, to lose feelings or attraction, to end it. Always. Different reasons have accumulated to make us lose hope. So where does that hope come from? Another relationship? Another more perfect person? No. It comes from yourself. Choosing to have hope. To work. To grow. I’ve said it before.. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is the real challenge. Is this removing the “magic” from love? In some ways yes, but I think most of growing up means having to face “reality”, or at least being aware of both and balancing.

(ok, that was actually 11, but I just wanted that even number, you probably wouldn’t have even noticed had I not mentioned it)

Some of these lessons may have been “no duh” to you, or maybe you learned them all within one year, but hey, I’m taking the scenic route I guess, taking my time. And I’m glad that this route is producing pieces which resonate with you out there on different levels. I never really thought about my writing and my work as anything that special. It was just my creative outlet. So, it’s weird to see how it’s naturally outlined my development, and will probably continue to do so. What will come out of 2016? 2026?

“Guy who is in the middle of his workout” Costume

No, I’m not a walking yoga mat! Although, it will look like a yoga mat, that is walking, haha.

For whatever reason I was much more involved in this year’s Halloween. It’s been awhile since I’ve gone through the effort of making a costume. As mentioned in our recent LUNCH BREAK, in the past I’ve spent more time on costume’s for anime/comic conventions than Halloweens. But this year, had some fun.

Friday night was a last minute idea that came from borrowing a friend’s Star Trek red shirt uniform. I took inspiration from some internet memes involving Batman and decided to be “Every Geeks’ Worst Nightmare”, although most people just thought I made a mistake. (C’mon, who do you think I am? You really think I wouldn’t know light sabers don’t go with Star Trek??)


Saturday, our friend Cassey who is an extremely successful/popular fitness/lifestyle blogger was getting everyone together so I decided I would do something related to her, and thus the idea of  being “mid Blogilates workout” came about. Here’s how I made a very ghetto simple minimal costume out of an old yoga mat and things in my storage closet.

A yoga mat is floppy. So in order to keep it straight above my head I had to make a light but sturdy frame. Luckily I had these cardboard pieces that I kept from a mirror I just bought, and they had the strength and were the right length. You can’t just stick flat cardboard pieces to the back because they’ll bend. These were perfect beams.

Do not make the frame go the length of the mat. The beams should only go to about the middle of your torso. This allows the rest of the mat to hang freely and therefore allow you to sit very easily!

I cut some joints to ensure stability. I used duct tape because the mat material is not very adhesive, so you need something heavy duty. I probably could’ve been cleaner with my taping, but I was in a rush.

From an old Apple bag I cut out the string (matched the mat). I laid down on the mat and using a pen, marked estimated points at my shoulders and armpits. I cut holes there and threaded the string through.

Since the mat is very stretchy, a simple knot would not keep the string from falling out so I used some safety pins to keep the string in place.

Wear an athletic shirt to complete the concept. Didn’t even plan for the strings to blend into my shirt. (btw, big plus of this costume is that since you’re in athletic clothes you’ll be super comfortable and breezy all night!)

PHEW, that was exhausting.

Just did a quick google image search, doesn’t look like anyone has done this idea before, haha. I wonder if it’ll catch on like my Pokeball costume from 4 yrs ago cause that thang is everywhere now!! (I swear I was the first! lol)


Did you see our latest sketch? I feel like now that Halloween is over (even just by one day) I can’t share this video, not the right season anymore, haha. Oh well! Enjoy!

Your turn

“Everyone gets a turn.”

Back in college, a close friend said that to me during a particularly sad period of my life. “Everyone gets a turn.” Something was incredibly comforting about that statement. In four words, it grounded my situation, made me feel not alone, and externalized a feeling into something with a definitive beginning and end. Many people have felt what you’ve felt and made it out just fine if not better. It’s temporary, so if anything.. “enjoy the ride.”

From that point, I sorta turned it into a weird philosophy of mine, and began seeing all emotions and situations as rides at an amusement park, something people literally have to take turns for. The park being my life and the rides covering all types of emotions. How’s that for a new take on the term “emotional rollercoaster”?

Some of my favorite rides & attractions? Well there’s awesome stuff like “Butterflies in my Stomach” Garden. “Reconnecting with an Old Friend” Bumper Cars. “Saying ‘I Love You’ for the First Time” Fireworks Show. But there’s also “Lost and Confused River Cruise” (that one has great mood music). “Heart full of Regret” Haunted House. And “Losing the girl you thought was the One” Wooden coaster (that one really makes you feel like you won’t make it out alive)

I started to see that in my own amusement park I wanted variety. Some people would probably avoid the scary, life-threatening coaster at all costs and just stay on the Dumbo ride all day, but I found myself getting very bored and tired of the easy rides if I were on them too long. I started to miss the thrill, the stomach in my chest, the Gs weighing me down.

In case you’re not following my strange analogy and metaphors… Basically when things in my life were going too well, I started craving struggle, sadness, and turmoil. I wanted “another turn” on the other rides. Don’t get me wrong, whenever I return to those lower places in my life I remember how much I hated it and I desperately want to get out. And maybe that’s it right there. Being down means there’s a clear goal of overcoming whatever you’re going through. Maybe I just crave the journey of recovery, the feeling of hope?

I acknowledge that this is very privileged thinking, which already makes me not want to share this post. I know I haven’t experienced the truly awful emotional rides yet, and some I never will, but isn’t all pain and struggle relative?

I think part of it is also just wanting to remind myself of that experience. No one goes only to Frontierland every time they visit Disneyland. No, you want to visit the other lands and rides. Even if you get there and you remember it wasn’t that fun, or maybe this ride was really, really painful- after years of not riding it, you’ll begin to wonder. Right?

So perhaps this is why I was so inspired and moved by “Inside Out”. Seeing the “islands” in her brain reminded me of my own amusement park. And Sadness’ strange desire to touch every orb and turn them blue reminded me of what I tend to do with my own life situations and memories. What is this fascination I have with blue orbs? Why don’t I just shut down certain rides and let them rust and crumble?

Why don’t I try to open up new rides? It’s like I’m living in a really old and dated park, when there’s a shiny and clean new one that has way better rides. But I’m so afraid of making that jump. Because, no matter how good Xbox and Six Flags is, I’ll always wanna jump on a swing or slide for the hell of it.

To try and end this entry with a bit of positivity, I think I’ll just bring it back to that opening phrase. If you’re going through a tough time, hopefully it makes you believe that things will get better. That you’ve gotten on this ride (a temporary one) that many others have been on before. It will be over sooner than you think and you’ll look back and say, “Hey, I got through it! And I’m a better, stronger person for it.” I guess this is why I always tell people when they’re sad to enjoy it. Because both ends of the emotional spectrum and everything in between should be valued. They provide us something unique, something you might miss, and honestly, you don’t know when you’ll get another turn.

3 Me’s, 1 Life

As you might be able to discern from the past year of blog posts, I’ve been going through a weird time. “Post-twenties”. “Decade transition”. “Growing up.. but for real this time because I said that at the beginning of my 20s“. I’m definitely not trying to hide my confusion and desire to make sense of as much as I can. I recently realized a major cause of this “uncomfortableness” is the fact that I’m actually 3 different people. And each of them what different things, causing them to fight internally with each other everyday.

1. “Wong Fu” Phil

Somewhere along the way I became a “personality”. I never grew up wanting this, I still don’t necessarily need it.. but it’s become my life, and part of my history even if I were to disappear and stop today. This version of me is the largest part and has the most influence.. and therefore causes most of the problems. It’s because of wongfu-phil that I’ve experienced some of the best things, and the worst. Immense payoff and immense pressure. He’s complicated my life the most. Exposing me to things that I normally wouldn’t have, and therefore causing me to sometimes feel entitled or have expectations that aren’t necessarily reasonable. Producing temptations that I’ve fought off, and failed to resist, twisting and turning my life year to year. It’s hard for me to explain this completely but, can you imagine if you had the ability to reach millions of people today. What would you do? What would you not do? How would you change? I never asked for these choices, but it’s unavoidable in my position and I feel like I’m handling this personality as best a regular guy can. Not completely going off the edge, but still struggling to maintain my true self.. which is closest to…

2. “High school friends” Phil

This is the person I was before Wong Fu came into my life, before I had any idea I even liked writing or visual story telling. I was a clean slate and a direct product of my family, the girls who rejected me, my friends in school, and the media I was exposed to. Funny, all those things still amounted to an unusually emotional, nostalgic guy (how I was nostalgic even at 17 is hilarious to me, but I was), who was just discovering his creative side. I enjoyed dancing and performing, I used my family’s camcorder whenever I could, and I began writing in journals. When I see my high school friends now, WF is not a main focus or even talked about, and it gives me a glimpse at what my life would be like if I went through my twenties with a “regular” job. Not one that was dependent on views, likes, influencing, and comments. Instead one that was just about your group of friends, consuming entertainment, enjoying hobbies just for the sake of it, and taking trips to Hawaii just cause. That guy, still the 16 yr old, wanted certain things when he was in high school. I remember what I imagined life and relationships to someday be like… and it’s definitely not how things turned out, because WF came into the picture.

3. “Family” Phil

This version is sorta related to #2, but the difference is that this Phil is heavily influenced by society and the media I grew up on. Family sitcoms, comic strips like Foxtrot and Calvin, and Beverley Cleary books, all gave me this really fun and ideal image of an all American family. One that celebrates holidays together, takes fun road trips, has a big warm house with a white picket fence, and shares heartfelt moments; everything I wanted to emulate. This is where I’m suppose to be right? Adding to all that is my sister who has literally achieved everything just mentioned. And being only 1 year older than me, every visit home is a reminder of how far I’ve left to go.. and how far I’ve veered from the image I was supposed to chase. Being a husband, being a father.. that “what’s next” right? But is it a problem if I now see this life as something only attainable if “WFPhil” changes drastically?

So here I am, daily, feeling like I’m at a 3-pronged fork in the road. I generally feel like I’ve already chosen my road (#1), but the other two are still relatively close by, running slightly parallel to me. I could hop on over if I really wanted, but soon, I’m afraid they’ll be veering further and further away. But I never want “fear” to be what drives me to choose a path. So who wins in the end? Can all three of them coexist and get what they want? Will the paths meet at some point? Maybe I need to cut and pave and force them to? I suppose that’s the ultimate goal and the ultimate reward. And I suppose it takes a lifetime to complete.